Repeat, today is _______!

TODAY’S DATE

I am almost 45 years old.

What I am about to share about my memories, doesn’t happen often, but there was a time, when it did happen, that it would break me. 

I can have a memory, good or bad, seemingly out of nowhere, pop up in my mind, like a video reel that won’t stop.

I started paying closer attention to why the memories would appear. The memories triggered by a smell, a picture, a song, or something someone said. My mind will goes back to that moment in time and unfortunately some of my memories are surrounded by less than ideal situations; trauma, abuse, stressors.

This is about the most recent one however, the one that hit home, that finally made me bring this to my therapist--- 

I stood in my kitchen, loading the dishwasher. I can't remember what triggered the memory, but before I knew it, I had streams of tears falling down my face. I could not share with my family that this memory, took over my life that moment, because it was a lifetime ago. I hid the tears, finished loading the dishwasher, and went upstairs to unleash my emotions alone.

Days later, I relived this with my therapist, and it was then, that she showed me another weapon to add to my arsenal (or toolbox). She relayed to me how important it is to stop myself and state today’s date, today is June 21, 2019. 

Of course when she first told me this, I was reluctant. I had a cellphone with a calendar, why did I need to remind myself of the date. And, what would stop my memories from frantically taking place of a few words. 

However, this week, when a memory was triggered, I stopped the video reel… remembered to state today’s date in my mind and smiled knowing I had defeated the trauma.  

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